Since moving to San Juan Island in March 2017, I decided to renew my exercise and fitness goals. I’ve talked before about the stress of the past few years catching up to me, weighing in at 180 lbs March 3rd. I’d decided to get back to my Simple, Healthy, Fresh cookbook and lifestyle choices. I lost 1 1/2-2 pounds per week, for a total loss of 15 pounds, then week before last hit a plateau. Same with this last week. That’s ok, because when you lose weight and inches, your body is realigning and getting used to this new weight. Keep eating healthy and exercising.
This last week, however, I slid into a depression over finances and past memories. This isn’t easy for me to write about, but I have Social Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. When I slid into those issues, I don’t want to leave my bed, brush my teeth, shower or get dressed. Deep down, I want to go out, meet people, invite to coffee, discuss likes/dislikes, the community. The reality is, my stomach clenches down, my body breaks out in a cold sweat and my throat closes.
That’s the SAD happening. When the MDD happens, this cloud breaks over my mind, I remember my financial straights: rent+util are 75% of my income; credit cards I used to move are another 10% of my income; phone and storage shed payments are another 23% of my income. That doesn’t leave a whole hell of a lot for anything else.
BTW, please do not message or email me with “why don’t you just…”. If you’ve thought of it (it, being a way to cut costs, shop differently, apply for help, etc., I’ve already applied/tried for/to do “it”. I make too much on SSDI for food stamps (in fact DSHS cut my food stamps in half, so I have just enough to eat one meal a day) and I didn’t make enough money to qualify for low-income housing in the 15 county region in NW WA State. Isn’t that a kick in the ass? Organizations that supposedly help with utility payments never return emails for some reason, because i’m nearly deaf, I can’t hear on phones.
I used to have a message google voice number, with my voice mail greeting stating “do not leave a message, I’m nearly deaf. Hang up and email, text or IM me your message.” 100% of the time, the caller would leave a message to call back (google voice transcribes the messages). I had to delete my voice number because people are unable to pay attention to directions. Why is this important? One of the issues was the local pharmacy was unhelpful with ordering medications, claiming they didn’t know how Medicare A, B, D, LIS worked together so I didn’t have a copay (mine is over $200/month!). So Ive been without medications for 10 weeks now.
I’m doing what I can to alleviate the Social Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder.