Cozy Mysteries as Masturbatory Fantasy


There’s been a trend in Cozy Mysteries the past five or so years that are converting a once believable genre into an ignorant masturbatory fantasy by and for women.

Totally understandable, in the reality of life these days, but the genre has been polluted. No where in real life would a Sheriff, City Police or State Chief allow a bakery-bookstore-kids-fluff store owner to interfere in a murder investigation, tip off potential suspects with amateurish, gaffe-ridden questioning or make them look like a fool to the electorate. The bakery owner who just ‘has’ to clear their bestest most goodest friend from the evil, clumsy sheriff and his deputies from framing their friend would never fly in today’s militarized law enforcement climate. The fluff store owner would find themselves cuffed and thrown in the county lockup faster than they can evade the chief’s questions.

Female readers are furiously fingering themselves whilst their favorite bookstore owning protagonist is ‘teaching that blundering’ Sheriff Chief how to run an investigation while he laments to her “I guess you’re not going to stop investigating?”, toeing his boot in the ‘dry dusty downtown crossway’. She’ll flutter her eyelashes, blushing and thrusting her chest out at him then cleverly making her escape around the corner to her 25 year old car. Meanwhile he is so flustered he just laughs at himself and ambles back to his small, cluttered office.

These female cozy mystery writers are doing more damage to the genre, making the so-called ‘Alpha Man’ a blundering fool who couldn’t find his own asshole with a map, shovel and two ham-fisted hands. Taking the easy way out in writing cozy mysteries is the lazy way out of creating believable, moving characters with flaws, loves and friendships. Making the bakery store owner flawless, able to put together connections in a murder or theft does a disservice to your readers and yourself.

We welcome you to come back down to reality. I have not named specific authors or books, but rather generalized storylines that cover 95% of cozy mysteries, to protect their reputation and work. Also, their fans are too rabid, too quick to fire at will at anyone not full of praise and worship.